Tired
by Insufficient Nightmares
Summary: Leah reflects on her recent behaviors and decides she doesn't like it. / Possible multi-chapter. / Rating changed to M because there will probably be mature references.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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There comes a point in life when you get tired. So tired, in fact, that you want to just give up. You want to just lie down in the middle of a road and wait. Wait for your demise.

Leah wished so much for that - to be able to lie down and give up.

But she knew that she could not let that tired feeling get to her.

That feeling - that tired feeling - it overwhelms you. Makes you feel like you're panicking and you just _want out_ but you _can't_. You want to claw at your chest, scratch and tear at your clothes because _you're suffocating_; and _you can't breathe_.

"How do you sleep at night?" Leah asks herself one night as she stares at herself in the mirror. "How can you stand to sleep when you're constantly destroying the people around you?"

She realized then that, in fact, she did not want to be the burden she knew she was.

She went to bed that night and woke up a new person.

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**I probably gonna post more chapters / I liked writing this. **


	2. Mama welcomes

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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Leah brushes her hair and teeth. She clips her toe nails and finger nails, and takes a shower, washing her body thoroughly. She shaves her legs and underarms, a soft, content sigh escaping her mouth.

She holds the towel wrapped around her as she stares into the mirror once more, her once dead eyes glowing with new resolve.

Slowly dropping the towel, she stares at her body, her eyes examining her too-skinny body. The soft curves that once showed on her hips were nothing more than her hip-bones jutting out against her skin.

She looks at her stomach, wanting to flinch at the sight of her ribs pushing against her skin.

Leah closes the towel around her body and walks to her room, deciding to eat more than what was necessary for breakfast, lunch and dinner tonight.

After dressing and re-brushing her hair, Leah walks into the kitchen, pulling out the eggs, bread, jam, butter, pancake mix, bacon, sausage and biscuits. She hums silently as she works, making scrambled and sunny-side-up eggs, toasting the bread and spreading jam on some and butter on the others. She fixes three plate-fulls of pancakes and bacon, fixing sausage, biscuits and gravy as well.

The soft sound of feet pattering down the halls alert Leah and she turns, welcoming her mother into the kitchen with a smile.

"Mornin' mama. Eat up." She gestures to the food spread on the counter, munching on a piece of bacon as her mother gapes at her.

"Le-Leah?" She whispers, disbelief in her voice as Leah smiles again.

"Are you gonna stand there gapin' at me or are you gonna fill that rumblin' tummy of yours?" She giggles at her mothers face. She turns again, heading towards the door before her mother calls out to her -

"Leah."

She turns.

"Welcome back."

She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

She knows she'll never be the same, but she's willing to try.

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**This was mama Clearwater's reaction (: **


	3. A devils whisper and an angels call

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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Leah opens the door and nearly rams into Seth.

She steps back and lets her brother walk past, ignoring the way he avoided touching her before she turns, following him back into the kitchen.

"Woah, mom!" Seth says excitedly. "Why'd you cook all of this?" He smiles. "For me?" Sue smiles at her son before shaking her head.

"I didn't make it. Leah did." Seth's eyes widen and he turns, looking at his sister. She smiles at him, her hair swishing as she nods at him.

"Eat up, Seth." Her hand reaching out for him before she stops it, unsure. Seth glances between her hand and his sisters face, before reaching for her, squeezing her body to his as he hugs her.

"I love you, Leah." He whispers to her and she smiles, hugging him back.

"I know you do, and I love you, too, Seth."

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Leah sits, perked on the logs of the meeting place as she waits for the pack to show up. Staring out at the water, she smiles, standing up from her place on the wood.

Holding her arms out beside her, she twirls, her mind swirling with nothing but the beauty of the nature surrounding her.

Sensing the presence of another, she stops, opening her eyes and staring into the eyes of the pack. A blush blooms across her cheeks and she jumps down, landing lightly on the balls of her feet.

"I'm not joining you in wolf form, but I will be here as part of the pack." She smiles, walking to Seth and hugging his wolf head, before walking to the waters edge, saying quietly, "If you need me, I'll hear."

She walks calmly passed Sam and Jared before stopping at the waters edge and listening as the wolves behind her growl, sniff and huff at eat other.

_Be strong, Leah. This can only last for so long. _

The cold ache in her chest expands and her body goes numb as the pain increases. She pushes at it, fighting it and resisting it as her pain tries to consume her.

_Let go, Leah. Let go and let me end it. It will only take a moment. _

Leah shakes her head, ignoring what seemed like a devil and an angel speaking to her on her shoulder as she falls to her knees, her hands landing in the salty ocean water.

Her eyes stay dry and she stares at the ground coldly.

_I will live for my family. Even if it means the death of me. _


	4. A brothers wondering

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. If I did Emily would die "tragically" and Sam would suffer while Leah looks on happily.**

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"Leah?" Seth's voice soothes her nerves as she looks back at him and smiles.

"Hey, Seth." She sits back, not caring that her dress was getting soaked from the wet sand beneath her.

"Are.. are you okay?" He asks as he sits beside her. Leah stares out at the water, her eyes distant as she contemplates what her answer might be.

"I'm.. I'm living, Seth." She finally murmurs, pulling her knees to her chest and blocking out her heightened senses. Seth was the only thing that mattered. Let those boy sneak around and listen to her pain.

"Are you happy?" He murmurs and she smiles a little.

"I'm trying to be." Seth nods, closing his eyes as he asks his last question.

"Why?"

"Because dad's gone and you and mom need me." She leans against Seth's shoulder, exhaustion clouding her mind. "And I'm tired of being the burden that you can't bare to take care of."


	5. Her darkened soul

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. If I did Emily would die "tragically" and Sam would suffer while Leah looks on happily.**

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Later that day, the power couple on the Rez comes around. Leah's walking in the store, getting groceries for her family, when she sees Sam and Emily. She stiffens and ignores them, hoping the don't see her.

But her hope is short lived.

"Ah! Sam, look! It's Leah!" Leah's cousin straightens out her shirt and hustles over to the younger lady, and Leah fights with the urge to snarl at the girl.

"Leah!" Emily shouts, having made it halfway to the girl.

Leah turns briskly, walking away from the scarred beauty.

Courtesy be damned. Leah wasn't going to play "Forgive and forget" with Sam and Emily because Leah doesn't play games. Not anymore.

_It's too soon. Get that woman away from me, lest you want her torn to shreds. _

Leah wants to flinch at the cruel works of her mind, but this time, she can't help but agree.

_I want to see Sam wither and squirm with his imprints hurt. They mean nothing to me and I don't need nor want them in my life. _


	6. A confrontation of sorts

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em.**

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Leah's tries to understand. She does. But as she stares up at the sky, her own brown eyes twinkling in the moonlight, she can't help but think that this world was even more messed up then it let off.

She was the first female to ever shift, and she possibly would never have a child as she wished she could.

The enigma that is Leah is hard to figure out, and she refuses to shift so they can see.

"Leah?" Emily's voice comes from beside her and she turns, the alcohol in her system making her laugh.

"Well if it isn't the scarred beauty, Emily!" She slurs, rolling her eyes. "What have you come to steal from me now? My alcohol? Because it's the only thing I have left!" Her voice takes an angry tilt and Emily's eyes fill with tears.

"Leah, please -"

"HA! You - You knoooow whaat?" Her voice draws out the words before she spits angrily. "I don't want you in my life and I don't give a rats ass about Sam, either. I hope you two - I hope you tear each other apart bit by bit, _piece by piece_ until you're both bloody and miserable.

"Keep in mind, Emily, that Sam didn't want this. He excepted it because you didn't tell him you wanted to be just friends. And if that's not a traitor, I dunno what is!" Leah stands, her mind having lost that blissful state and she turns her back to the faces staring at her from the bonfire and Emily. "Either way I'm done sulking about it. And if you want me to move on, to be okay with all of this shitty shit that I've been tied up in, you and Sam need to stay the fuck away from me. I care for Seth and my mother only until someone shows me, gives me a reason to care about them as well.

"Make no mistake, Emily. Me and you? What we were? What we had? It's done." Leah pauses. "Me and you are no longer friends and I disown you as a cousin."

She walks further down the beach, whispering for Seth to 'please join her' and he agrees, running down the beach as she sits on the rocky out crop.

"Seth?" She whispers, softly into the night.

"Yes, Leah?"

"I love you and I'm sorry. I'm trying to move on from them, from what they did to me but it hurts and they keep ripping it open."

Seth nods his agreement. "I'm with you, Leah. You are my sister and you are more important then both Sam and Emily."

She smiles brokenly as he wraps his arms around her.

"You're too good, Seth."

_I don't deserve forgiveness. _


	7. Leah's happiness

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em.**

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It's been eight weeks since Leah's last shifted. She's ecstatic.

"Seth, do you know what this means?!" She says excitedly, her mood genuinely happy. Seth nods and smiles.

"Congratulations, Leah."

Leah laughs and opens the door to their house, her eyes widening as she comes face to face with Sam. Her mood dampens lightly before she turns, her hair whipping him in the face, as she stalks away from him.

He follows her, before Seth steps in his line of view and shakes his head.

"Leave my sister alone." He says quietly, his eyes dark and angry as he looks up at Sam. "She's finally happy, and I won't let you ruin that now, Sam. I advise you to get in your car, or shift, however the hell you got here and leave. Because quite frankly, none of us want you here."

Sam flexes his jaw. "I am still your guys' alpha. I am entitled to check up on you." Seth laughs.

"You're entitled to check on me, only. Because as of yesterday Leah is no longer a shifter." He goes to walk into the house but Sam grabs his arm, panic filling him.

"What? What do you mean?"

Seth smiles. "Leah started her period last night. You know what that means, right?"


End file.
